you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
