His pubic hair was longer than his dick
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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