I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
