He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
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For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
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I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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