I wannas sexs uuuuu
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
