Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
