When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
