She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize