I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today