My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Randomize
