i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
