In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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