I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
