it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
There r osticjed everywhere
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
