i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
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My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
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I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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