You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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