im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
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when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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