If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
