Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
