Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
