Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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