stop calling my apartment porn island.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
