How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
