OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
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Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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