It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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