You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
