My nipple is on Facebook.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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