Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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