I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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