I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
