Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
