batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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