If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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