i jhust puked up my retainher.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
