So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
