All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
