I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
