Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Green mimosas i think yes
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
