I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
