how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
