We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
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The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
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Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
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