I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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