Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
