i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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