i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so let's talk penis.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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