how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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