I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
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i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
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He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
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