found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Hippo gnu deer
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
