I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
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You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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