Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
