I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he was CRYING into my vagina
why do cheetos always look like penises
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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