I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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