and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
