you guys were way drunker than both of me
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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