Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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