I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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