Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
