my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I will be naked everywhere
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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