So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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