Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
