I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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