clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
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