The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
